POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &
PROMOTION :
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life .
For all the Moms out there who accepted this job, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! You deserve it!!
4 comments:
hi kim- this is sandra (susan's siter). just wanted to tell you that I think this "job description" blog is just GREAT! ah, the joys in all the years to come! happy mom's day
Happy Belated Mothers Day Welcome to the Working Mom's Job. Oh one descrepencey of your pay. You do get paid though. The payment is watching them grow and learn the joy of watching the first steps the joy and excitement that they show when you have been gone all day and the way their eyes light up when they see you when you come back to them. The joy your heart feels when you here them say your name the first time. The joy of all those candid shots and peeks you take while they are sleeping and how they just are yours!!
me too! There is still time.
I hope you had a good Mother's Day will your cute little girl. Yes, it's PUPPPs or whatever. Hopefully it will end soon. The doctor said it could be much worse, so that's some positive in it. :) I'm just ready to see Sam's face!
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